BERT THE WIZARD

BERT:

bringer of sparkles

holder of sticks

payer of taxes

inventor of gravity

grater of cheese

lighter of matches

respecter of elderly

runner of errands

player of miniature flute

baker of cookies

knitter of socks

drinker of beef

obeyer of traffic laws

teacher of geography

giver of oddly shaped vegetables

denier of ceiling fans

exploder of moons

attender of book clubs

smoker of cabbage

patter of backs

spiker of punch

cleaner of carpets

plunger of toilets

reader of books

criticiser of fan-fiction

hearer of the tragedy of Darth Plagueis The Wise

warmer of plates

distinguisher of suns

disprover of the French

plumper of pillows

saver of electricity

digger of graves

high-fiver of fist bumps

vaccinator of anti-vaxers

donator of organs

leaker of movie plots

finder of television remotes

toppler of governments

eater of sandwich