Joseph's Microphone

Joseph's Microphone is an uncommon item dropped by Joseph upon death and is used primarily by Joseph, although occasionally his immediate relatives appear to passively use it as well in the background. [citation needed] It is not known what manufacturer produced this microphone, nor do we know its form factor, but several sources [citation needed] point towards it either being a built-in laptop microphone or an old gooseneck microphone from the early 2000s.

Properties
Joseph's Microphone exhibits several rare properties not shown by other members' microphones. These properties include:
 * A constant "always-on" feature, which allows the microphone to always pick up what is being emitted onto it, even when there is no need for the microphone to be on (see Common Sounds).
 * An amplifier. It is not known whether this additional amplification is added in hardware or software, but it has the primary side-effect of distorting whatever sounds are being recorded (see Bugs).
 * Although the microphone can be bought for a high price, it is sold for much less, due to it's poor quality.

Common sounds
These sounds can frequently be heard when on a voice call with Joseph.


 * CD-ROM spin-ups. These occasionally spawn in the background of Joseph's environment and can be heard violently whirring up in the distance.


 * Rapid typing. This is a highly common sound which consists of the rapid clacks of a membrane keyboard. It can be heard sporadically throughout voice calls with Joseph. The perceived loudness of these typing noises has led some to theorise that Joseph's microphone may indeed be built-in to his laptop in order to coincide with the close-proximity thumps that can be heard.Dell_Latitude_D430-1-.jpg


 * Musical instruments. On several occasions (mainly Wednesdays), the distinct sound of musical instruments being played can be heard in the background. Although there is no definitive proof, it is highly likely that those who wield these instruments are Joseph's younger brothers. Instruments can vary from Pianos to Clarinets, although these two are the most common.


 * Reminding Joseph to do his music practice. More often than not, during the times when musical instruments can be heard in the background, a humanoid voice can also be heard speaking to Joseph, often bearing the words "Have you done your music practice?", to which Joseph will always respond to with a statement of affirmation. [citation needed]

Bugs
Although Joseph's Microphone is treasured for withstanding the test of time, it comes with several persistent bugs which have not been patched ever since release.
 * Unnecessary amplification. As mentioned in the Properties section, Joseph's Microphone greatly increases the volume of any sound, degrading the recorded waveform into an indecipherable chunk of noise.
 * Frequent cut-offs. One of the limitations of the microphone is that it frequently cuts off the middle of sentences. This results in the omission of key information whenever Joseph attempts to communicate anything with any listeners. This issue could be due to several hardware and software reasons:
 * Voice call settings have been improperly configured to activate and deactivate the microphone at inappropriate times.
 * Network issues may be hindering the transmission of audio data between clients. This is a likely candidate as Joseph resides in The Middle of Nowhere.